Commentaries by Cynthia

*Note* I stumbled upon this column that I wrote almost a decade ago. Emode has since changed their name to Tickle.com, and I no longer visit their site. I guess some things you just out-grow.

If you like to take personality quizzes, Emode.com has dozens of them from which to choose. It is one of my favorite sites on the Internet, although I think the Web developer intended it more for teenage girls than 30-something women. But I enjoy learning more about myself, and Emode makes it easy. It takes only minutes to click through a quiz, and I receive the calculated results seconds later.

According to Emode, I have the personality type of a poet -- defined as complex, artistic, and often misunderstood. Another personality test compared types of people to breeds of dogs. Emode said I was like a Burmese Mountain Dog. That may sound a little odd, but I was assured these dogs are down-to-earth and loyal, traits to be proud of. After answering the career assessment test, I was informed that I would make an ideal foreperson. I have to admit; I didn’t see that one coming. However, my greatest surprise was in taking the quiz to determine what TV family resembled my own family of origin. Perhaps I was expecting the Cleavers or the Waltons. But nope. It was to be neither of these. Emode proclaimed the family that was most like my own was the Addam's family.

At first I laughed out loud, then I thought, “Well, I must have answered something wrong.” More carefully, I went through all the questions again. The results were the same. I read the screen in disbelief and disappointment...

Cue the finger snaps and haunted mansion scenes, Cynthia, your family is most like everyone's favorite creepy, kooky, fun-loving clan, The Addamses! Yup, that's right. Gomez, Morticia, Wednesday, Pugsley, and Uncle Fester are your family's TV soul mates. Trust us, that's a good thing. Because even though they're nutty and all dress in black, the Addamses are close and loving in their own special way. Just don't ask what's cooking for dinner...

I went to work the next day and approached my coworker, Shuley, the person who had told me about the site and had also highly recommended it. “Shuley,” I said dismally, “Emode said my family is like the Addam's family. Can you believe that?”

Shuley just smiled. “Yeah, well, my family is like the Bundy’s from Married with Children.”

With that, the Addam's family didn’t sound so bad anymore. (I also learned Shuley had been informed she had the personality of a Hound Dog.) Could it be Emode who was a little out there, instead of my family?

I would not mention the subject again until months later, when I was traveling in a min-van with my father and siblings, returning from an out-of-town funeral. Something about us all being dressed in dark clothing reminded me of the questionnaire. From my seat in the back, I leaned forward between my two sisters. “If you had to say our family was like a famous TV family, what family would that be?“

They looked at each other and almost simultaneously said, “The Waltons.”

What is it with my family and The Waltons?

A small smile tugged at my mouth. “Not exactly.” I then told them about taking the quiz and the answer I was given.

Their reactions were typical. Pat, my more-serious sister, frowned. “Why, that‘s crazy. You had to answer something wrong. We are not like that.“

My less-serious sister, Melba, pretended to toss aside her hair. “I'll be the one with the long, flowing hair... what was her name?”

“Morticia,” I answered.

Pat turned back to me suddenly. “You aren’t going to write about this in the newspaper, are you?”

I shrugged my shoulders, as if to say I didn‘t know. But I did know. I was already forming the sentences in my mind. And, in my own special, often misunderstood way, this how I wanted to say, “Kooky or not, I’m proud to be a part of our family clan.”

Okay, so maybe I also thought it would make a fun column. At least I didn’t go into detail about those strange dishes Mom used to cook, or the eccentric things Dad invents in his work shed.

And, since I'm playing around with my dark side anyway, I dedicate this song to my dear sister, Mel. You gotta love Morticia and that Masochism Tango.